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Dear God - Gehenna

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March 18th, 2011


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10:52 am - Dear God
A colleague once remarked, "You only have so many years to build a career."

I nodded my agreement and knew that my experiences could give that line so much meaning. That it could so easily throw me into despair as I realized how many years I've lost. But there was hope on the horizon when he delivered that line so the despair was kept away.

But now that that hope is gone, those words echo back to me and the despair hammers down on me.

It's not as if this is the first time I've experienced this level of despair over my career. But as time slips away and as I consider how my life is configured, the despair deepens.

Careers are built by taking on low paying positions that have lots of potential. I don't have that luxury. I have to take the highest paying position as I can get in order to support my family. My current position is so much of a dead end, there's no way I can use it as a stepping stone into something new. And because my days are spent at work and my nights are spent taking care of the family, I have no opportunity to advance into anything else.

Christ.. I'm trapped.

I took on the hard courses in college. Devoted my time to grad school. All of that wasted. I was a fool to have worked so hard. I should have just partied.

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